Haircutting 101 For Dummies

So I've been cutting my hair since freshman year of college...well really since high school because I used to just shave it... Before that, my dad used to cut it because we are white trash and live on the poor side of the grand isle of Nahant. Because of this, I have a great fear of barbers! I don't like it when creepy old men touch my head!! I can do that myself, thank you!

But anyways, for Xmas I bought myself a new set of clippers, the 21 piece WAHL Clipper set!!! I was all excited because I dropped my old pair months ago and bent the blade...which makes it all more difficult to cut when the blade is broken on one side....but its doable.

I was all giddy pulling out the clips and preparing my bathroom for my 1st cut! I decided to go with the 1/4'' cilp for the bottom. But you know what I discovered, they made the clips for FUCKING DUMMIES!!! The 1/4'' clip is really a fucking 1/2'' clip!! I fucking want to see some skin bitch when I cut! As I continue fading up, the 1/2'' is really 3/4''! WTF?! Doooode, a monkey could use these clips and not screw up! I'm so fucking pissed! Whats the point in cutting your own hair if the thrill of messing up is gone??!?! I like the fact that I might need to shave my head if I fuck up! I finished my haircut in like 10 minutes, and it looks pretty damn good. I HATE IT.

Wait, monkeys are fucking cute, and aren't they smart?? Bad example.. Pick any other dumb creature, and they too can cut their own hair using these clippers!!!

So if you have ever wanted to cut your own hair and save yourself a ton of $$$, go out and buy a pair of these. Below I have provided a helpful lil chart of how its done. Thank you and god bless




Trim the back, working from the bottom upwards.




Repeat around sides and back of head.




For the bangs, measure out the length using your fingers, and trim along the edge.




For the top, trim from front to back with guide comb flat against head.

And if u mess up a bit, who the fuck cares, just put a lot of gel in it and mess it all up, and it looks fucking awesome!

PS: This is a Great cut for girls too!